Oh hi. It’s been awhile as I haven’t written any posts since I hit my first goal of six posts before the go-live date I set of December 1, 2019. I didn’t set another blogging goal and somehow thought I would just continue the momentum naturally – as if I didn’t have to push through clouds of resistance to get that one accomplished. I was waiting for inspiration and motivation to magically float into my head. But that didn’t work as planned, or should I say lack of planned.
What there was instead was a whole lot of space and time left open for feeling aimless, frantic, overwhelmed, discouraged, pissy, and in an abundant state of resistance to writing anything further. I still thought about my lack of blogging and forthcoming posts every. single. day! Included with that were ample amounts of getting mad at myself for not writing and self-induced stress for not getting shit done. I did get clearer on who I DON’T want to be and the stories I NO LONGER want to tell. I also got clearer on what it’s going to take to move closer to who I DO want to be, the JUICY life I want and the necessary habits I’ll have to get disciplined about to get there. Yep, discipline.
What I also came to realize, is that setting and committing to goals are what create momentum and forward movement. Planning and setting goals pull us forward; not setting goals usually means a million things swirling around as clouds of thought and not much productivity – at least for me. Oh, I did a lot this week. Just not what I thought I should. And then felt guilty and bad about what I didn’t get done.
This week (it’s now December 15 ’cause it took me another week to re-visit this post), my biggest focus is on my health and fitness which is still super positive, life-affirming and getting me aligned with where I want to go. Without energy and life force, I won’t have steam for much else.
I’ve spend hours meal planning, prepping, cooking and baking for these new keto/paleo meal plans. I cleaned out my freezer, fridge and pantry. I have also been focused on my workouts, stretching my tight fascia out, pushing myself further and along with that, getting more in tune with what my body is telling me which feels great! So far I have released seven pounds which is super thrilling to see the scale move in the opposite direction. It’s been a long while, old friend.
And then come the worrisome swirling thoughts wondering if my body is eating muscle from not eating as much protein and if I will find those seven pounds shortly. In other words, Chicken Little-ing my success away. I had to remind myself that despite what this journey holds, it doesn’t take away from the fact that the scale is down now. I lost 100 pounds before and gained some of that back but it still does not diminish in the slightest that I achieved that huge accomplishment. I have been working my ass off and committing to myself, tweaking and adjusting for what works for me. Why can’t I be seeing progress now just ’cause all the other things I have been doing the past 1.5 years or so weren’t working?! In that time, there was also a lot of giving in to discouragement, half-ass committing, listening more to others than myself and doing things that probably don’t really work for my body’s current needs. Maybe this is just what my body is needing? I’m committed and will tweak as I go listening to my body and spirit’s guidance.
I think a lot of us bumble around in life aimlessly wandering fields not meant for us or paths that just cause consternation because there is no overarching direction or vision. In other words, the bus is moving but the entirety of our being might not be on that bus or we might be trying to direct a cart where the horses are pulling in different directions. Or we have so many voices outside/inside that we can no longer hear our own inner wisdom. There’s so much information out there competing for attention and space in our heads.
Successful people know how to minimize these though and despite all of us having the same seconds in each day, people who create success for themselves and others have certain habits, systems and disciplines in place to move the needle forward. No one gets out alive but success means using each day as efficiently as possible cutting out the fluff and slack and noise right up to the moment we return home. Success means contribution and working to express our dreams out into the world to show others that it’s possible. Success means believing in expanding possibilities and then walking step by step towards them.
I’ve been thinking a lot about goal setting, putting systems in place, planning, exercising discipline. Despite knowing a lot about these topics, I still struggle to get myself to do them – at least consistently so they add up to something. The struggle is real these days as I am resistant as fuck and my programs are kicking in overdrive to get me to stay comfortable and safe where I can predict my days with alarming accuracy and I don’t have to stretch outside my comfort zone much. I think we can all relate to this!
It’s something I will focus on over the next while as I work on telling new stories and install better programs. Insert awkward toddler phase here with lots of falls and getting back up over and over again. I’m learning lots though and hopefully as I figure out what works, you will find some treasures that help you move forward too.
I realize that this post rambles on a bit without having a uniform direction but it was so important for me to just write something before this two-week hiatus turns into forever. I keep worrying about creating value and having this be an epic blog that will change lives, pondering who my audience is and what they need/want to read. And all that is tripping me up – hard! Because if I don’t write, I won’t even have an audience.
So this is me, relaying my stuckness in all its glory and yet still taking a step forward to…. something, at least! To write even though it’s not perfect and can be a million times better. But the longer I think on all that, the further away I get from sharing my story and teachings coming in for fear they have no value and are too mundane. The more I focus on what it could be with more planning, thinking, wondering how to make it amazing and a be-all to everyone, the more I turtle away and stress about writing instead of actually doing it. Really, how many of us go through this? Thinking, plotting, planning and not quite doing? Or doing for a bit then stopping?
It all comes down to the programs and stories playing out in our heads. It’s only us stopping us and it’s time to keep going – even through the resistance and the reasons why not. The desire to prep more and make things better before taking it live. Except sometimes those times never come.
So all there is is today, this moment in fact and all that matters is that you do the best you can with it. So I will leave this here – rambly and imperfect but another point on the map towards a new destination.