This morning I woke up at 430 am. I felt very awake and pretty good so I thought I’d start my day then. I had planned to work out while watching Limitless on Gaia (show on Gaia TV about pushing your limits and expanding possibilities) and journal.
Instead, I reached for my phone and researched life coaching training programs. Bfore I knew it, two hours had gone by. I journalled a bit but then had to get ready for work as I had an early meeting. I started going into my familiar patterns of getting mad at myself for wasting the morning and not doing my workout or accomplishing what I had set out.
I felt off and yucky. I told myself I could continue in this downward spiral which was causing increasing disconcerting feelings of guilt, shame, sadness, frustration, and disappointment. I also told myself it was my choice to burrow deeper into this shitstorm brewing or move forward in a different way. I felt empowered and even though I wasn’t convinced my day wouldn’t continue to get ahead of me after all, I decided to let it go and take this as an opportunity to learn.
I didn’t have the morning I had planned but I still achieved an exploration action on my list that would help me move forward. As I was taking in the information, I was thinking, planning, envisioning a bigger life, who I was becoming, and what that new life would look like.
I re-routed and planned to go to the gym at lunch and write a blog post between when I ended work and had to leave for my meetup (I am writing this from my desk now at 6 pm and also went to the gym at lunch so kept both commitments easy peasy! Woo hoo!)
I then started listening to some motivational speeches from YouTube while I was getting ready for work. I like to start my day with these as they really get me jazzed and into a champion mindset. I got really curious instead of condemning the reasons why I didn’t feel great. My mind shifted to looking at this as an opportunity to look at what I had planned, what actually happened, how it made me feel and the gaps.
I find when I take certain actions in the mornings like working out and journaling, spirit connection etc, I feel better. I want to start planning my days out and book times for activities instead of just having ad-hoc goals and activities in my mind all willy-nilly. I can leave room for spontaneity and flexibility but if I plan better, it will help me maximize my time and build efficiencies so I can do more with the same time. I can research, educate and learn in the evenings or another time and use my mornings for the pump-it-up, set a kick-ass day festivities.
I had thoughts pop in around researching maximum productivity times of the day for certain activities that are in alignment with the body’s circadian rhythms, sun alignment etc. No idea where that came from but it seems like an interesting message to chase down. I’d also like to explore life/productivity hacking and put systems in place to become a higher performer. I know I can do so much more in a day with proven systems and planning. I find now I am getting bogged down and hours pass where I get hyper-focused on something to the exclusion of everything else.
Today’s eating was derailed a bit with 2 small slices of pizza and salad at lunch that was in our staff lunchroom. At least I had gone to the gym before. Still, I felt this impending doom feeling of sliding off my rocker and derailing. I kept feeling some niggly anxieties in the back of my mind that kept saying I need some oral fixation (i.e. chocolate or sweets). I chose fruit instead but I felt a devil on my shoulder trying to get me to do naughty things all day and telling me I was falling off track and moving away from my goals.
I made it to a creativity meet-up where we will start working with Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way. It’s been so long since I nurtured my creativity and I want to unleash some epic creations. I had a great time and met cool people with amazing thoughts and ideas. I got a list of 100 artist dates which are neat and rando things to do to explore, break out of comfort zones, connect with inner children, play, laugh, be random and inspire out of the box ways of being. I’ve decided I will do all of them by the end of 2020. I’m excited to explore that further.So while I still feel uneasy with this dance of a freight train pushing up against my willpower, I know I have work to do in making and solidifying a decision so compelling that willpower is not needed. Where my decision will strongly guide me just as it did through my 100 pound weight loss and quitting smoking cold turkey never to let a cigarette touch my lips in the almost 11 years since. I made the decision I wanted a certain life and I couldn’t have it as a smoker. Literally zero willpower needed whereas every time before I was jonesing to smoke every five seconds and had to use sheer fist-clenching willpower which always faded out after some time. I had quit no less than a million times before always to fall off the wagon, but in these 11 years, I think I’ve thought about three times what it might be like to have a cigarette but no desire to do so.
I made it to a creativity meet-up where we will start working with Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way. It’s been so long since I nurtured my creativity and I want to unleash some epic creations. I had a great time and met cool people with amazing thoughts and ideas. I got a list of 100 artist dates which are neat and rando things to do to explore, break out of comfort zones, connect with inner children, play, laugh, be random and inspire out of the box ways of being. I’ve decided I will do all of them by the end of 2020. I’m excited to explore that further.
This is what’s currently working for me:
*planning and prepping my meals so I am within plan recording everything I eat in My Fitness Pal so I can see if I am within macros and calories and also as time goes on, I will be better able to see where I need to make tweaks. keeping my commitment to write daily blog posts in whatever capacity I can (i.e. at my desk before my meetup), reaching out to accountability partners when I need some support and also declaring commitments to them that they will help hold me accountable for, maximizing activities such as when I did the elliptical at lunch today while reading a personal growth book called Path to Liberty we got at the retreat that me and my Alberta sisters are now studying together, checking in daily and posting in our weight loss/health group and being really honest about how I am doing, drinking a minimum of 3-4 litres of water per day and taking supplements, doing things outside my comfort zone like going to the meetup when I just want to go home and chill, following my program from my personal trainer, trying new things and following through with them, accountability groups for personal goals, how I show up at work, weight loss journey and blogging, re-framing thoughts and turning them around to more productive ones, connecting with people on a deeper level, daily writing, reading, studying, listening to motivational speakers/thought leaders especially in the morning, exercising in the morning, loving and accepting myself – all of me, being open and vulnerable, sharing wisdom and inspiration with others, focusing on where I want to go, measuring my days’ results with what I had planned and coming up with new strategies or balances to do better going forward
Here’s what I want to tweak/do more of: tighten up my meal plans further, add more activity into my day, yoga/stretching, connect more with Spirit, work on intuition/energy, write out goals/plans, take on more challenges, re-write my resume and create a Linked In profile, energy work/balancing, reach out to and connect with loved ones including having the tough conversations I need to have, be more efficient in my day so I can be in bed before 10 pm, budget and save more money, get more done at work each day.
I will tweak these as I go along and get better over time. I want to be cognizant of taking on too much that I get overwhelmed and can’t do anything. I want to be really strategic and focused with my time, stripping away all noise. So much I want to do, be, have. Patience grasshopper. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will your new life be.